There is an epidemic in erotic romance novels against which we must rise up and say 'no more.' The plague to which I'm referring is the dry hand job and it must be stopped.
How often are you reading an ER novel, going along getting your contact lenses all steamed up when suddenly the heroine reaches into the heroes pants and starts "stroking him from root to tip?" As soon as this happens it's like someone scratched my favorite R&B album that was playing softly in the background. I snap out of my book lust haze and it's like EXCUSE ME MA'AM BUT DID YOU JUST WRAP YOUR DRY PALM AROUND THAT MAN'S PENIS?
Do you know any men? Ask one how he feels about the thought of your dry palm wrapped around his dick. I'm guessing his response will be somewhere between a frown and a "bitch are you serious?" Depending on the nature of your relationship.
Why are romance authors afraid of lubrication? Lubrication makes the world go round. Without lubrication doors would creek, your car engine would die, your lips would be chap etc. Lubrication is our friend.
You would think authors who specialize in lines like "she's so wet" (how many times have you read that?) would be comfortable with the concept that moisture is good. I can only assume that every time they get ready to write a line about the heroine spitting on her palm, auto correct for ER authors kicks in and deletes that shit. Whatever the issue is, the problem is getting worse. I just read a book where the guy was not only getting off on a dry hand job but a dry hand job through some blue jeans. I was like, 'OH C'MON,'that's like enjoying a Popsicle while you eat it through the wrapper.
I have no problem suspending disbelief for the sake of romance reading but I can only take so many dry hand jobs. Who will volunteer as tribute to depict a female heroine who isn't scared of a little pre-hand job spit? We will be your sponsors during the game and send you free shit so you don't die. Just help us to help you.
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