LJ's Questionable Advice: Lip Chaser

Dear LJ,

My boyfriend is a terrible kisser.  He’s good at all the other stuff but he does this side lean thing when he’s kissing me and I just don’t get it.  My mouth is in the middle of my face, what the hell is he doing off to the side?  I turn my head in the direction that he’s leaning and he tilts his head to the other side.  WHAT IS GOING ON?

Dear side chick ---hahahaha, I kid I kid--- ok, seriously. There are several possibilities here.  They are all based on my scientific research into this issue and are detailed as follows:

1.    You have a terrible case of halitosis that your boyfriend doesn’t want to tell you about.  He keeps leaning to the side to get away from you.
2.  He’s looking at the television over your shoulder while ya’ll are kissing.
3. He was dropped on his head as an infant and has a fucked up sense of equilibrium.  The poor thing might not even know he’s leaning to the side.
4. His mouth is crooked.
5. Last, and most likely, women like you have failed to inform him that his kissing has the same amount of sex appeal as a really bad yeast infection.  As a result, he’s gone his whole life thinking he has stellar lip action when that ain’t at all the case.

My advice to you is to find a way to show him what you like.  Words really come in handy at times like these.  Phrases like “ooh, I like it when you kiss me like this” can be of great assistance.  Also, try holding his face when you kiss him so that he can’t run away from you (assuming #1 is not your issue). If he is extremely dense and has super strong facial muscles, you might want to dump his ass.  Life is too short.  

Please note: Before you proceed to the dumping phase, consider the strength of your rebound game.  After all, you said he was "good at all the other stuff." Before you doom yourself to a lengthy period of playing with yourself by yourself, you may want to consider whether you have any other viable prospects.